Something Stinks Around Here …


Recent trips into the garden have brought forth a rather unpleasant smell … not much investigation needed to know it was the outside drain.  Let me explain … He Who Shall Remain Nameless (ie, the ex) left us in a right shit mess, both inside and outside the house.  He seemed to think it was okay to use the garden as his personal dumping ground, couldn’t be arsed to finish any of the jobs he started and made a bodge of the ones he did deign to do.  For example, the outlet pipe that takes water from the shower and bathroom sink … not attached to the outside wall at all because he was too bone idle to put a clip on it … hence the pipe now bows in the middle and fell off several months ago because it was unsupported, leaving the waste water from the shower/bathroom sink to pour out on to the garden … and the stack pipe with a nice hole where the pipe should have been attached.  After a couple of months I managed to coerce him to come back and put the pipe back … but apparently he ‘definitely put a clip on it’ and we must have ‘taken the clip away’.  My arse we did!

Anyway, I digress … one job that was always too much effort for him was putting a cover over the outside drain … I mean, it’s such a complicated job, right?  And due to his penchant for dumping all manner of crap in the garden and not keeping on top of the brambles (he had a blowtorch type thing with which to kill them), the garden up the side of the house consists of brambles galore, and the drain was inaccessible.  Sean kindly burnt the hell out of it all a couple of weeks ago, and hence made the drain accessible once more.

It was full of slimy black sludge … I kid you not.  I would have taken a picture to show you, but you would be gagging, so I thought best not.  Using my dustpan (good for scooping) I set to this afternoon … when I got to the point where I couldn’t really scoop any more out (it’s a long drain which drops down a big hole) because the dustpan was too big to go down the hole, I had to resort to using my hands.  My drain is deep … shoulder deep, in fact.  Yep … all the way down.  I scooped out handful after handful after handful of nasty stinky black sludge.  I was covered in it by the time I’d finished, but Sean very kindly hosed me down before I went off for a long hot shower.  Despite my very long shower, and washing my hands around 30 times since, I can still smell sludge on my hands.  Nasty.  But on the plus side, the drain is draining again.  It’s going to get a good dose of bleach tomorrow, followed by Jeyes Fluid later this week and then I’m going to sort out a cover for it to stop leaves and God only knows what other crap finding its way in.

Following the stinking theme, Ethan was dropped off earlier by his Dad and his Dad’s current partner.  I was sitting on the front wall with Sean waiting for him – earlier today we (me and Mike) severely pruned out my lavender bushes in the front garden.  To be fair, Mike did most of the actual pruning – I came down from my shower to find that while I’d been unblocking the drain etc, he’d pruned out most of the bushes – such a lot of it was dead wood.

Anyway, Ethan came home, and when his Dad was pulling off, he told me that he had something to tell me.  His Dad’s current partner (let’s call her Her Whose Name Shall Not Be Mentioned) on seeing us sitting on the wall amongst our severely pruned bushes, said something along the lines of ‘I can’t believe it, she’s actually got off her arse and done something’.  Charming, yes?  This from someone on the distinctly chavvy side of the spectrum who doesn’t work and spends most of her time taking ‘well deserved’ holidays with He Who Shall Remain Nameless, while her kids are dumped off on their Dad.  I, on the other hand, work full-time, own a business, have a second job, am studying, and still find time to try and keep on top of the house – so let’s face it, if I do sit on my arse occasionally I should bloody well think I deserve to, don’t you?

Yep, something definitely stinks around here, and it’s not the drains …


About katiepopsmartin

I'm a busy 40-something, juggling many things at the same time, including a very rewarding and challenging job in the NHS, being the founding partner of a small company manufacturing business and craft rubber stamps, a hobbyist enjoying the challenge of working with yarn and paper (not usually at the same time, obviously), trying to get the house sorted out, studying for further qualifications and being a harrassed single Mum.

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